Archive for the ‘celebrate it’ Category

This lovely bouquet of peonies came from a friend.  Peonies usually are blooming for Memorial Day here and lots of the older homes in our area have them in their gardens.  They were often the flower of choice to cut and take to the graves.

When I was a kid, Memorial Day was for visiting our family graves.  My mom always brought garden tools and a broom so we all could clean each headstone and leave a bouquet of flowers cut from our garden.  My mom would often tell stories of that loved ones as we worked at their grave.  Later we would have a BBQ and often a game of wiffle baseball with our cousins.

Since my husband and I have been married, both our parents have taken to going to the graves on the Friday before Memorial Day, when we all at work and school and the cemetery is quiet.

Since they’ve already gone, we don’t.  For our kids, Memorial weekend is just a fun long weekend, when we go to the Patagonia sale, to a movie, swimming and a BBQ.

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The other day as I was walking down the hall at my kids’ school, a construction worker was putting visqueen on the walls in preparation for the major construction work being done at our school this summer.  (Yeah!  They are making our school much safer in the event of an earthquake.  Right now it’s a deathtrap.  Ikes.)  Anyway, as I walked down the hall, I saw a face out of the corner of my eye, under the visqueen.  It stopped me in my tracks.

It was the face of my grandmother, Maxine Morgan.

The photo was on a poster made by one of my girls for her ancestor report.  The thick plastic covering the wall had laid just right to make her picture visible.  And for some reason, when I saw her face, it made me feel a little emotional.   I felt gratitude for her example of resourcefulness, hardwork, and her beautiful, cheerful smile.  Even though I never knew her,  I do know her- through the memories and many stories told to me by my mom.

It’s time to get back to essentials I thought.  It’s time for my children to think of Memorial Day as more than just a time we pick up closeout ski coats and see big blockbuster movies.

It’s time to de-commercialize our holiday just a little, and spend some time remembering.

There is no way to be a perfect mother,

and a million ways to be a good one.

– Jill Churchill

This might just be my favorite quote on motherhood.

It’s liberating to ponder it.

How many nights have I lain in bed at night, before falling asleep, and thought about my kids?  Worried about how they are doing.  Worried that I’m not doing a good enough job parenting them.

Am I horrible for letting my 10 year old girls watch Downton Abbey?  Or my son play video games?  Am I a bad mother because I can’t seem to follow through with job charts?  I feel guilty, guilty, guilty for yelling at my girls for messing around when they are supposed to be weeding.  Am I dropping the ball because my kids are way less scheduled than a lot of their friends?  It’s a conscious decision, but I worry.  Are we disadvantaging them in a competitive society?  Will it hurt their chances to get into college?  Am I teaching my kids all that they need to know to live happy, productive, spiritual lives.  The questions and second guessing go on and on…

One thing is for sure.  The weight of motherhood is great.  One thing is also for sure, Jill Churchill is right, there is no way to be a perfect mother.

I’m too hard on my kids sometimes, I’m not consistent enough, I say hell in front of them occasionally ; ), I get frustrated with them.

But I do try really hard to be wise and thoughtful too.  I love to spend time with with my kids.  I may not be very good at some parts of motherhood, but I’m great at others. I love my kids more than words could possibly express.  Most days, I’m doing my best.  No matter how my kids turn out, no matter what the future holds, at least I will know that.

I need to not compare myself to other moms.  I need to focus on my strengths.  I need to work on my weaknesses.  I need to not feel guilty.  I need to focus on each of my children and their individual and unique needs.  Some people say it’s the world’s hardest job… that’s not an argument I care to weigh in on.  What I do know is that it’s my most important job.  Little by little, challenge by challenge, I need to find my own way to be a good mother.